Supposing you had visitors coming...

2007 is an interesting year for Uganda. The Commonwealth Heads meeting in Uganda in November means for interest groups there's a window of opportunity to exploit, and for the government there's a huge public relations programme to put in place and a country to clean up.

First things first - when you're expecting visitors you need to fill in those pot holes (but only on the roads that matter - those between the airport and 5* hotels), put down kerb stones, plant some trees down the central divide and ban anything scruffy - small roadside shops, markets because they're dirty (even better replace them with a shiny new shopping mall), and of course street kids and beggars (that's right, round them up and ship them out, it doesn't matter where).

Next, sort out anything politically embarrassing. Like opposition parties who might go public with revelations of corruption and human rights abuses. This is not a time for democracy and freedom of speech to flourish - no, everyone must tow the line. And if they don't show a willingness to do so, well you need to make them. So lock up opposition MPs, fire tear gas on protestors, discredit anyone who disagrees.

Oh, and don't forget those NGOs who are trying to undermine you by delivering services to the people. It's no wonder the local people are frustrated with the government. No, the NGOs have far to much influence and power, they're a thorn in the side and need cracking down on. So, introduce more burdensome registration procedures and discredit them. That's right, claim they aren't accountable, they live grossly extravagant lifestyles, that "If you're working for the poor, you should live like the poor." That should do for starters...

And don't forgot those niggles further away from home, like civil strife and rebel groups in outlying Districts. These troubles used to be easily ignored yet also provided a convenient way of justifying a large military and keeping them busy, but now is the time to look like you're a peace maker. The visitors will be expecting this. So, hard as it may be, swallow your pride and give those peace negotiations a try, at least until the visitors have gone home.